The Break-up (How To? When To? And The Healing Process.)

Some end nasty, some may not, but either way, it’s not easy. 
From the infamous words, "We need to talk" that dreadful and final conversation, which is followed by the awkward last hug/and or kiss  saying goodbye.

The BreakUp

When Do You Know It’s Over?
15 Signs that it's over:
When you’ve grown apart.
When you need your own space.
When sex becomes an issue.
When you start keeping secrets.
When It hurts more than it feels good.
When you start arguing for no reason.
When you start sweating the small stuff.
When you no longer say the words, I love you.
When you find yourself getting irritated quickly.
When anywhere else is a better place to be than with your mate.
When you start avoiding you mates phone calls and text messages.
When your become less attractive to your mate, although he/she is sexy.
When you excessively start hanging out with your single girlfriends/fellas.
When you start spending time with someone else that has caught your eye.
When you feel like you’re staying too long in a relationship that is heading nowhere.

When all of the core values; Communication, Trust, Love, Understanding, Honesty, Respect and Loyalty, are missing in your relationship, what choices are left? 
Seeking relationship coaching, counseling
and if that doesn't work, maybe it's time to move on.
The decision is always yours.

Remember when…
It was as simple as,  just saying it?
Back in the day when we were young we had paper dating, the cute little check “Yes” if you like me or “No”, if you don’t or would you be my Girlfriend/Boyfriend, check Yes or No.  Pure innocence made it simple, back then. Even breakups were less complicated, because there was less involved.
Remember the words, “I quit you”? sounded simple enough, huh?
You were then mad for a couple of hours or a day or so, but by the end of the week, continued playing together, like nothing ever happened. Wow, it used to be all so simple, when we were young and free.

If  only we can say the words, “I quit you” and just go back to
being friends, now.... not as simple, huh?
Welcome to adulthood...

Are there rules on how to break-up with someone?
Hmmm, rules....

Breakup Don’ts
Phone
Email
Text
Social Networking

These are very impersonal ways to do breakup with someone. Some may even say it's insensitive. It shows that you’re protecting yourself only. 
It can be taken negatively. Your ex can think that you are selfish and
think that you probably never cared to begin with.

Think about it first, and then take action. It takes two to be in a relationship and you will not be the only one hurt by the breakup.

Can you break up as friends?
Maybe...it depends on the circumstances of the breakup and the maturity level of the people involved.

Do you just walk away and abandon the relationship?
No. If you abandon the relationship, there’s usually no closure.

Love yourself and your mate enough to know when to cut your losses and end the relationship. There's no need to put him/her through the whys of your decision to break up. Although, it’s clear there should be an explanation, but not a long drawn out story, giving every detail.

So, how do you breakup?

There is no easy way out. Start by being honest. Be clear on your feelings about the breakup, Make sure you're sure first!

Don’t, say let’s be friends if you have no intentions on being friends. Why further complicate things?

Never stay because the sex is good or because you believe you've molded him/her into the man/woman that he/she's become and no other woman/man should have what you've created.  Ask yourself, Is that really enough to stay? I've heard those reasons so many times before and  they are not valid reasons to stay.

Sometimes people look for excuses to stay, because they are either afraid to let go, be alone or are simply afraid of starting over.

Let's be clear on a couple of things. One, you can't change a person, they must first acknowledge that change is needed and be ready and willing to change themselves. Two, you cannot make a person stay,
if they want to leave, they will leave.

Some things are just out of our control. Though, we are in control of our own thoughts and actions. So remember to be accountable for them.


What if there are children involved?

If you have children, it gets a little complicated, Weigh your odds and ask yourself, does staying in an unhealthy environment makes it better for the children? Staying will also hurt the children, because they can feel the negative energy in the atmosphere. For the children's sake, handle the situation like adults and with care, but do the best thing for everyone involved. If you need someone to mediate, seek the proper authorities.


Not all relationships are made to last for ever,
if you have a good one, work on it and most of all cherish it!

The Healing Process

The decision to breakup is already a difficult process, so allow yourself time to heal.
Cry, be to yourself, but don't go into seclusion.
Release the hurt and pain, but don’t contact your ex, as it will make it difficult to heal and move on.

Don't be his/her doormat or booty call.
Every day is a new day to feel better and better about yourself, but make no mistake about it; you’re still in the healing process. Hurt doesn’t go away overnight, so don’t expect it to. Take your time.

    Find emotional support from others who's been there done that and most of all, have allowed themselves to heal properly and not fall into the trap of rebound dating and relationships. Rebound dating and relationships are nothing more than subconsciously trying to find someone else to fill the void due to the breakup. I can tell you that it’s not the best thing or the smartest thing to do. You will temporarily fill the void, but it doesn’t help you in your healing process. The hurt from your breakup is real; masking your pain will only complicate things but in the long run you will not be able to fully commit in your new relationship.

Again, take your time.  Don’t let anyone rush you back out on the dating scene. Be careful who you seek advice from, a broken person can only give you broken advice, which leads to more confusion and misconstrued information due to that person not being able to see passed their own pain and looking through hurt eyes.

Forgive and set yourself Free!

New Beginnings....
Date yourself.
Start a new relationship with you.
Make yourself happy.
Explore and do new exciting things.
Love you unconditionally.
Find your smile again - Happiness begins with you!

In time you will get back on your feet and begin dating again. Remember, it's a process.
Love is still out there and will happen, when the time is right.