Our grandparents use to court each other back in what some consider the old days. Was that a bad thing? Let's briefly take a look at courting for a moment, the man pursued the woman and then man would ask the woman's father for his permission to court her. Sometimes the parents were the matchmakers. Courting meant you were exclusive, typically with the intentions of getting married.
Couples would go out in public places, which took away the temptation of sex. This also helped them get to know each other and simply have fun. Though kissing was allowed, there were some limitations as to when, where and how in order to eliminate the human desire of sex, brought on by the passion of being in the heat of the moment.
Courtship ultimately led to engagement and marriage for many, but didn't always work out back then either and yes some courtships ended badly, but there were guidelines. Did some couples not follow the guideline and break the cardinal rule of no sex? Of course, some couples were rebels and marched to the beat of their own drums. Could that be why some courtships ended bitterly?
Were the couples involved mentally ready for sex?
What if they had, had sex on the first date?
Could they have gotten to know each other better if they weren't romantically involved?
Did sex complicate things?
Lay your cards on the table. Be honest.
Don't expect something that you're not willing to give. Have reasonable standards. This doesn't mean settle, it simply means, don't create a checklist with an unreachable criteria, so that if you were your own perspective mate, you wouldn't even choose yourself.
Detox and never bring old baggage from previous bad dating experiences or relationships into your current one.
Let the person know what you're looking for, i.e., casual dating or exclusive dating. This is important, so you both will avoid any misunderstandings along the way and will know how to move forward.
Your relationship should never be cookie cutter; what works for
others may not work for you. just because a couple looks happy on the outside doesn't mean they are happy on the inside. If they have some qualities that you like, it's fine to see if it will work for your relationship, but be sure to create what makes you and your partner happy and build from there.
SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
With so many do's and don'ts when it comes to dating and relationships, how do you make the right choice?
Sex on the first date, are you truly ready for it?
It doesn't mean that you’re now in a relationship. It could just mean sex on the first date. Sounds a little harsh, but it's true.
Does everyone continue dating after that first night of hot or not so hot sex? Yes and no. Bad sex can be a deal breaker for many people. Some can turn out to be, just a one night stand. If you continue dating you may need to set some boundaries,
especially if you begin having emotional thoughts and
questions about sharing yourself intimately.
With Sex comes responsibilities; mental, emotional and
personal. For some women having sex with someone new
can be as delicate as having sex for the very first time. There’s a rush of thoughts and emotions and if she really cares for the
guy, she may confuse it with love. Although you hear this
more about women, it also happens with men.
Having sex with someone you’ve just met; well, let's be real,
it happens every day. People are Casually dating and they also casually sex these days, (Also known as hooking up)
Some are ready, some are not - Before
you make that move, make sure you're sure - mentally and emotionally!
The Morning After
Doubting yourself after the fact will only bring you
If you’re looking for answers to questions like the ones below,
then perhaps you needed to give yourself just a little more time
to think about it.
How does he/she feel about you now?
Will he/she call you?
Or even begin questioning yourself on, How you feel about
yourself or How do you feel about him/her?
Things people normally don’t think about.
What if the man or woman decides that you started off too fast
and now want to take it slow?
Are you mentally prepared for the break in physical contact?
Would you take it as a sign of rejection?
Would it become a deal breaker?
The term making love is often misused. Are you in love?
Are you mutually in love? it's not the same as simply saying,
"I love you." you can love your puppy, you can love a pair of shoes or your favorite movie. if you're not "in love", then your not making love. No matter how good or passionate the sex is,
sex is still sex until you both know and feel that you're in love with each other.
When your energies connect and your souls intertwine and you feel that perfect bond-that's when intimacy comes in and turns the act of sex into the art of making love.
How do you know when you’re ready?
If you are unsure, it’s best to have a discussion, starting with yourself first, as it is important to know where you both stand,
If you are only dating, you might want to ask yourself if this
is a good time to incorporate sex and then have the discussion
with the person you’re dating.
Are you still in the dating stage?
Are you casually dating?
Are you exclusively dating?
Have you progressed to the relationship stage?
Discussing sex beforehand can actually help you make the important decision whether or not to do it. Although having this discussion is not so common these days, It is important, because sex can change things.
After sex, there could be some major changes to dating or the relationship. He/she can become a little possessive and clingy. In his/her mind, dating can automatically become a relationship.
For those already in a relationship; is it understood that your relationship has now reached another level?
First Date Tips: Be prepared
Dating violence is also a risk!
Go to a place that you're familiar with
Meet at date location
Condoms (Just in case)
Be sure to have a fully charged cellphone
Carry cash on you
Let someone know where you're going
Give a brief description of the person (picture if you have one)
Pepper Spray (If legal in your state)
ICE (In Case of Emergency) numbers handy
Never get out too much personal information
Protect yourself - Have Fun!
Oprah did a where are they now segment on Tia and Tamera and something Tamera said blew me away!
"Back in the day, you cost $300 dollars,
but Now you're giving it to him for Free."
Why should it matter who you date, as long as you’re happy and healthy. Racism is the biggest form of abuse, that goes unnoticed or either people take real notice to it when it’s extremely out of control and someone has died, or it hits celebrity status. Tons of celebrities date outside of their race, but not many ever tell the tale of what goes on when people see them out together off screen.
The younger generation loves to mix and mingle, so most don’t have a problem with race or interracial dating, but there is that small percentage that were brainwashed at a young age and actually believe the total opposite. Could people who grew up in and around racism, who are not racist themselves, actually be afraid of the backlash they will receive from people they know who are racist?
I thought love is love and that you can’t pick and choose who your heart will fall in love with. Is it wrong to want a world filled with less hate and more love?
The more people stand for racism, the more superiority is felt.
last time I checked, hate was still a sin and that’s a crime to the most high.
Before you practice being a racist, be sure you know exactly where you come from.
Whether you’re a celebrity or NOT - No one Woman should ever hear these words. “White man’s whore” or "Back in the day, you cost $300 dollars, but Now you're giving it to him for Free."
Tamera and Tia are bi-racial and someone saying this proves that ignorance is truly bliss. No matter her ethnicity, the comments are still disrespectful and hurtful. Everyone should have the right to date, love and marry who they choose – it’s their own business.
The world is colorful for a reason, who are we to judge it?
If only those with racist hearts could trade their hearts for blinded eyes, they will be able to see things more clearly?
Whether people like it or not, this is the
family of today and also, tomorrow...
Get Over It!
Yes, racism is still alive and well and as much as many try to claim it's not, let’s be real, it is.
It's not about being in state of denial, because racism is so blatantly out there and disrespectful for the world to see, making it hard to be denied.
Those who claim to not see it are either not affected by it or are clearly afraid to face the truth.
Why is racism allowed in this day and age?
This is a priceless question that deserves a sincere answer and not just another pacifier to hush the crying baby.
Times have changed, yes I agree, but what I disagree with is how much has changed; what is recognized as change and how so much of the struggle still remains.
Racism is not hereditary, it’s learned. It’s very selfish to corrupt the minds of the innocent in order not to have to cower
solely behind the shadows of hate.
People of color can no longer be hosed for the color of their skin, but shot and killed innocently in the name of self-defense.
People of color no longer have to sit in the colored’s only section to eat, but have to waiting timely lengths to be served in restaurants, although they arrived before many served before them.
People of color can now find jobs, but are turned down for listing their ethnicity on the application or for simply having a different name, although on the application it also states you can’t be discriminated against.
How much longer can society continue to sweep racism under the rug?
Some end nasty, some may not, but either way, it’s not easy.
From the infamous words, "We need to talk" that dreadful and final conversation, which is followed by the awkward last hug/and or kiss saying goodbye.
When Do You Know It’s Over?
15 Signs that it's over:
When you’ve grown apart.
When you need your own space.
When sex becomes an issue.
When you start keeping secrets.
When It hurts more than it feels good.
When you start arguing for no reason.
When you start sweating the small stuff.
When you no longer say the words, I love you.
When you find yourself getting irritated quickly.
When anywhere else is a better place to be than with your mate.
When you start avoiding you mates phone calls and text messages.
When your become less attractive to your mate, although he/she is sexy.
When you excessively start hanging out with your single girlfriends/fellas.
When you start spending time with someone else that has caught your eye.
When you feel like you’re staying too long in a relationship that is heading nowhere.
When all of the core values; Communication, Trust, Love, Understanding, Honesty, Respect and Loyalty, are missing in your relationship, what choices are left?
Seeking relationship coaching, counseling
and if that doesn't work, maybe it's time to move on.
The decision is always yours.
It was as simple as, just saying it?
Back in the day when we were young we had paper dating, the cute little check “Yes” if you like me or “No”, if you don’t or would you be my Girlfriend/Boyfriend, check Yes or No. Pure innocence made it simple, back then. Even breakups were less complicated, because there was less involved.
Remember the words, “I quit you”? sounded simple enough, huh?
You were then mad for a couple of hours or a day or so, but by the end of the week, continued playing together, like nothing ever happened. Wow, it used to be all so simple, when we were young and free.
If only we can say the words, “I quit you” and just go back to
being friends, now.... not as simple, huh?
Welcome to adulthood...
Are there rules on how to break-up with someone?
These are very impersonal ways to do breakup with someone. Some may even say it's insensitive. It shows that you’re protecting yourself only.
It can be taken negatively. Your ex can think that you are selfish and
think that you probably never cared to begin with.
Think about it first, and then take action. It takes two to be in a relationship and you will not be the only one hurt by the breakup.
Can you break up as friends?
Maybe...it depends on the circumstances of the breakup and the maturity level of the people involved.
Do you just walk away and abandon the relationship?
No. If you abandon the relationship, there’s usually no closure.
Love yourself and your mate enough to know when to cut your losses and end the relationship. There's no need to put him/her through the whys of your decision to break up. Although, it’s clear there should be an explanation, but not a long drawn out story, giving every detail.
So, how do you breakup?
There is no easy way out. Start by being honest. Be clear on your feelings about the breakup, Make sure you're sure first!
Don’t, say let’s be friends if you have no intentions on being friends. Why further complicate things?
Never stay because the sex is good or because you believe you've molded him/her into the man/woman that he/she's become and no other woman/man should have what you've created. Ask yourself, Is that really enough to stay? I've heard those reasons so many times before and they are not valid reasons to stay.
Sometimes people look for excuses to stay, because they are either afraid to let go, be alone or are simply afraid of starting over.
Let's be clear on a couple of things. One, you can't change a person, they must first acknowledge that change is needed and be ready and willing to change themselves. Two, you cannot make a person stay,
if they want to leave, they will leave.
Some things are just out of our control. Though, we are in control of our own thoughts and actions. So remember to be accountable for them.
What if there are children involved?
If you have children, it gets a little complicated, Weigh your odds and ask yourself, does staying in an unhealthy environment makes it better for the children? Staying will also hurt the children, because they can feel the negative energy in the atmosphere. For the children's sake, handle the situation like adults and with care, but do the best thing for everyone involved. If you need someone to mediate, seek the proper authorities.
Not all relationships are made to last for ever,
if you have a good one, work on it and most of all cherish it!
The Healing Process
The decision to breakup is already a difficult process, so allow yourself time to heal.
Cry, be to yourself, but don't go into seclusion.
Release the hurt and pain, but don’t contact your ex, as it will make it difficult to heal and move on.
Don't be his/her doormat or booty call.
Every day is a new day to feel better and better about yourself, but make no mistake about it; you’re still in the healing process. Hurt doesn’t go away overnight, so don’t expect it to. Take your time.
Find emotional support from others who's been there done that and most of all, have allowed themselves to heal properly and not fall into the trap of rebound dating and relationships. Rebound dating and relationships are nothing more than subconsciously trying to find someone else to fill the void due to the breakup. I can tell you that it’s not the best thing or the smartest thing to do. You will temporarily fill the void, but it doesn’t help you in your healing process. The hurt from your breakup is real; masking your pain will only complicate things but in the long run you will not be able to fully commit in your new relationship.
Again, take your time. Don’t let anyone rush you back out on the dating scene. Be careful who you seek advice from, a broken person can only give you broken advice, which leads to more confusion and misconstrued information due to that person not being able to see passed their own pain and looking through hurt eyes.
Forgive and set yourself Free!
Start a new relationship with you.
Make yourself happy.
Explore and do new exciting things.
Love you unconditionally.
Find your smile again - Happiness begins with you!
In time you will get back on your feet and begin dating again. Remember, it's a process.
Love is still out there and will happen, when the time is right.
When a woman uses her fingers to bring herself to an orgasm, by rubbing, tapping or penetrating her fingers into her vagina; slowly or
even fast depending on her desired pleasure and rhythm.
Get to know your vagina, by spreading your sexy lips apart
to expose your pretty clitoris.
There is so much to learn and explore, so grab a mirror so you
can see your Goddess.
Gently examine it and watch how she changes as you become aroused. Once your clitoris is exposed gently tap, or rub her it with your index finger - some women like, both index and pointer; now caress her until you find your desired motion that's pleasing to you. You can also insert your fingers or use a bullet or a sensual toy that's made especially for clitoral stimulation. (Bullets are a girls best friend.) Tip: protect your Goddess; clean hands and lubrication is key. If you use flavored lubes, be sure they are sugar-free and vagina friendly; sugar will give you a yeast infection.
Try deep breathing while masturbating,; it will intensify your orgasm. Lay back relax, get those fingers moving, explore and enjoy!
To Know your Body, is to Love your Body!
Masturbation with Toys: There are tons and tons of vibrators on the market today and are great for solo play. Some vibrate, pulsate or do both. If you want to take it up a notch some penetrate, rotating with clitoral and G. Spot stimulation. The most popular stimulation vibrator is the rabbit and the bullet as mentioned above.
Clitoral and G-spot enhancement creams and gels are also popular, as they increase blood flow to the genitals; making the nerves more sensitive, for an easier orgasm.
Masturbation with Water: in your tub spread your legs apart and let the water stream down of your clitoris. (It's an awesome feeling.) Tip: Let the water stream to your desired force, but not to forceful as she is delicate. You can also use a removable shower head, using the same concept.
Squeezing Thighs Masturbation: Being able to achieve orgasm by simply squeezing your thighs tightly against each other stimulating your clitoris.
Fantasy Masturbation:. When an orgasm is achieved purely through fantasizing only. adapted comes Tantric Sex, To develop this euphoric orgasm skill, a woman must first learn how to control her body through the power of the mind.
Try Some Of These Toys And Accessories
To Help Enhance Your Solo Play
Tip: Every Girl Needs A Bullet!
The EroticKookie Shop!
101 Days of Self Pleasure
by Sexpert Jaiya
I post this periodically on my Facebook Fan Page, because becoming one with ourselves as women is really important for confidence, self awareness, self appreciation, self love and also self esteem. Getting to know your body, as well as knowing what you like will enhance your overall pleasure, sensual/sexuality with or without a partner. You will also be able to teach your partner what you like and how you like it. Don't be afraid to deeply explore yourself pleasure-fully sensually with or without toys. Sex should no longer be a taboo or stigma, as it is a beautiful natural experience. Remember, It's all in how respect yourself and value your temple. ~EroticKookie
Relationships are all so exciting and fresh in the beginning, but after some time like many other things in life it becomes routine and can lose its fizzle – especially in long term relationships.
What do you do?
Do you adapt to routine and possibly grow apart
or even worse, stray?
Here are some tips that can keep your relationship new.
Rekindle your friendship and strengthen your bond.
In the beginning you went out on dates and spent quality time with one another and had fun. It is important to still have date night. Do what you did in the beginning, but spice things up as time goes by. Go out to dinner, but also make dinner together at home, with candle light music wine and even dress the part.
This is a key aspect of any relationship. Some people are Sapio-Sexual meaning that they are attracted to and can become aroused, by intelligence. Sometimes we need more engaging and stimulating conversation, which can spark your thoughts and penetrating the mind, intellectually. It’s sexy, sensual and can create a sense of intimacy.
Get little colorful stick notes and write little sexy messages to each other. Women love to hear their mates tell them they are sexy. It adds to their confidence. Men love compliments too so create balance with the love notes, tell how sexy he is too.
I Love you:
Simply saying I love you while looking into each others eyes is romantic and engaging.
Pay attention to each other
Appreciate each other
Trust each other
Greeting with a hug and kiss
Take walks together
Keep the relationship romantic. Shower together; take bubble baths, try massages with sensual smelling oil from a massage candle. Surprise your mate with flowers, candle light, wine music and you. Send flowers just because.
Intimacy doesn't have to involve sex. Cuddle together, hold hands, hug, talk; simply spending quality time together is all apart of intimacy. Explore each other sensually not sexually, there’s a difference.
Learn how to experience each other through the awareness of your five senses. (Touch, Taste, Smell, Hear and Sight) Intimacy connects the mind body and soul, bringing you and your mate closer together. When you couple sensuality with being in tune with your sexuality, it can enhance the art of making Love.
It awakens your senses - it's erotic and sexy!
Plan a romantic day with your mate starting with a spa day at home and then try some sensually exploration of the senses, by blindfolding your mate - touching tasting and explore!
Remember, you don't have to spend a lot to experience a lot.
Spice it up in the bedroom:
Try something new.
Guide your mate into what you like. Don't always expect your mate to know everything that you like. What you liked 3 years ago, may not be what you like now. Show him/her what you want, how you want it and let them know how it feels.
Communication is key.
Do some erotic shopping, online discreetly or in person, whatever you both are comfortable with. Erotic shops are fun, sexy and spicy and endearing. Shop discreetly at The EroticKookie Shop Look for toys like Infinit; the toy with endless possibilities. He'll love it just as much as you.
Use your imagination and take the fun to another level.
Don’t just live life, experience it together!
Just because you’re growing old together, doesn’t mean your relationship has to get old.
Have Fun – Keep your relationship fresh and new.
A romantic weekend getaway
Salsa dance lesson (it’s sexy)
Erotic texting (It's Foreplay)
Erotic massage (It's sensual)
Go to Dave & Busters
Just spend quality time together
(No cellphones or social networking allowed)
Never Go To Bed Angry!
The answer is Yes!
The body reacts in the same way to sex,
as it does to Cardio exercises. Sex is not a substitute for regular exercise, but it is a Hot and Spicy way to get fit and healthy.
A good sex life is a great way to raise your heart rate and also exercise your pelvic floor muscles When you have an orgasm,it causes the muscles to contract, which strengthens them.
A half hour of sex burns about 144 calories.
Don't forget ForePlay, it burns about 238 calories. The hotter the actions, the heavier you breathe, the more you sweat, the more calories you burn. So turn up the heat, get your heart racing, blood pumping and get your Sexcercise on!
Get Your SEXcercise On!
Here's a few sexercises to get you moving!
Get creative; kick your imagination into gear and turn up the heat in your sex life!
Doggy-Style works the woman's core because
she has to stabilize herself on her hands and knees.
Woman On Top works the woman's hips legs butt and abs.
The Standing Position When the man and woman are facing each other. This works the legs, core and arms.
The Missionary Position (Vanilla Sex) is considered boring to many people, but it does have it's benefits. Works the core muscles depending on how fast you work your body - so
let's get to moving!
We can't talk about Sexcercising
without talking about Water.
Water is Essential for Life, Including Your Sex Life.
Staying hydrated is an important part of sex, because arousal depends on blood flow to the sexual organs. Dehydration reduces blood flow, and stamina, therefore affecting your overall sexual performance.
Drink up - A Toast to Sex!
A dehydrated man is more likely to produce a lower volume of semen.
Hydration = Increased Ejaculation
The more aroused a woman becomes,
the wetter she gets!!
Hydration = Lubrication
The Forbidden - The Taboo
That Dirty Little 3 letter word
As it turns out, Sex is Good for your Health.
16 Benefits of Sex
Shhh...it's a Secret *Wink Wink*
A Natural Pain Reliever
Healthy For Your Heart
Lowers Your Blood Pressure
Boosts Your Immunity
Boots Your Libido
Promotes Good Prostate Health
Strengthens Your Pelvic Muscles
Balances Estrogen & Testosterone
Makes Your Skin Glow
Helps You Sleep
Makes You Happy
The more you have, the more you want - Sex!
Enjoy "It" with the One You Love
Like a Drink, do it Responsibly
Always Love YourSelf First!